Writing Romance Without Being Cheesy

I am very picky about romance. If it's going to be there, it has to be good. If I find it to be cheesy, I really can't stand it which is why I typically don't read romance novels. In my opinion, those are generally very cheesy books.

But any book you might read will probably have a love story intertwined in it, even if it's not a romance novel. And where there's a love story, there's bound to be some romance somewhere.

Now, I like love stories and I stick them into my own writing, but I'm always afraid of making them too cheesy. And, honestly, no one wants their writing to be seen as cheesy. And by the end of this post, you might be sick of the word cheesy. But if you're going to read it, that's a risk you're going to have to take.

I have realized these past few months that when I am working on the romance aspect of my work, I am trying not to be cheesy. In fact, I am focusing so much on it not being cheesy that it ends up not being very good at all. Honestly, it's pretty dull.

So, how do you make it not cheesy and still good? Well, that is the hard part because what is and is not cheesy is largely a matter of opinion. Some people find romantic love, in general, to be cheesy. So, really, how do you know if you're being cheesy or not? People are going to have their opinions either way, but, as the writer, there are some things you need to think about if you want to reduce the level of cheesiness of your love story.

1. Avoid clichés
There is nothing cheesier than a cliché love story. And love at first sight is the cliché-est. This isn't to say love at first sight never works in a novel, but if you have nothing that sets it apart from every other love at first sight tale, then it's just a cliché. In my opinion, the whole idea of "falling in love" with someone upon seeing them for the first time is cheesy because it robs your reader of what connects or attracts the characters to each other. Another cliché is having one character who is shy, one who isn't and they have this unexplainable attraction to each other. What makes these type of romantic stories cheesy is the entire romance is based on the physical appearance of the two. The people are basically in love because they are both good looking. It's cliché. And also cheesy. Be aware that your story doesn't have to be swooning hearts and fluttering eyelids all the time. Also, it's very cliché to have your characters fall in love because they have a similar past or because they share one intense situation together. The more original you are, the less cheesy it will be.

2. Give your characters time to get to know each other
Don't be under the impression that your characters have to like each other right away - not even on a friendly basis. They don't need an instant connection. It's one thing to have your characters enter a relationship almost right from the go, but, if they become friends first - go through struggles, experience laughter and pain together, then the romantic connection will be much stronger and there will definitely be the feeling that this relationship will be a long lasting one because the characters are more than just attracted to each other. They care about each other. And your reader has had time to see the relationship develop. They have also gone through all these situations with the characters and they will be much more involved in their relationship. Think about TV shows. The two characters we know are right for each other usually take a few years to get together. They just become better and better friends, being involved in each others lives and by the time they get together, we are really wanting it to happen. It's the same technique you should use when writing. Give your readers a reason why these characters should be in love. If they don't have a history, then they don't have much of a future. You want to make sure your characters are falling for the actions of the other, not their appearance.

3. Don't write as if you're planning on starting a relationship
When you are writing, don't focus on the upcoming relationship. Pretend like you have no idea it's even going to happen. These characters are getting to know each other and, right now, are not even thinking about each other romantically so you shouldn't be either. In one of my stories, before I started, I had these two characters for which I'd planned a romantic relationship by the end of it, but as I wrote and focused on the story and just let it take its course, the characters weren't falling in love. It kind of bothered me because I'd really been planning for them to have those feelings for each other, but even though they were best friends and had been through everything together, their friendship never became anything more. And, of course, I could still make it happen but placing them together would be strange and awkward. And that doesn't always happen. Most of the time, when I plan for two characters to be together by the end, it happens. What I'm trying to say is, you can have the plan for two people to get together, but don't write like that's the plan. Don't force it to happen. You may find, as your characters develop, they just aren't a good romantic match. Maybe someone you didn't expect will end up being the love interest.

4.  Make sure your characters aren't constantly thinking about each other
Remember that if you're not writing a romance novel, your story isn't about two people falling in love. Even in a romance novel, the reader needs a break from the romance every once in a while. So, although you have to develop this relationship throughout the book, keep in mind it's a subplot, not the main plot. Eventually, your characters may have a desire for each other, but you don't want to overdo  it. Save it for the appropriate places and your reader won't be rolling their eyes so much.

5. Keep the lovey-dovey stuff to a minimum
Once your characters have entered into the romantic relationship, the story isn't over. Congratulations if you were able to successfully write a budding romance, but don't give up on it once the relationship is in place. These are the still the same characters and they can't suddenly change towards each other. Keep the relationship real. Don't have them be making out every time they see each other or constantly holding hands and making goo goo eyes. Sometimes it's okay to do things if you want, but, once again, don't overdo it. Relationships take a lot of hard work to keep together so don't write as if they're on their honeymoon the entire time. Real couples argue, make mistakes. What illustrates love more than any romantic action is if your characters can disagree, argue, make the wrong choices and still be with each other at the end of the day. A good question to ask yourself throughout the story is not "what do people do when they're in love?", but, "what do my characters do when they're in love?"

Like with everything about writing, these tips aren't set in stone. I can't say "follow these steps and I guarantee the perfect love story every time!" Every love story is different, but, generally, you can use these methods in any type to make it less cheesy.

As long as it's a budding romance and not an instant romance, the chances of it being cheesy are reduced. This doesn't mean there can't be any sort of physical attraction at the beginning, but slow down before they're in a relationship and "in love" with each other.

Like I said at the beginning, I am very picky about romance and I think that's one reason I struggle with writing it in a way that I'm satisfied. So, learn from my mistake and don't worry about whether or not your love story is cheesy as you're writing it. Just write what feels natural and then look it over and see if you think it's cheesy or not. Really, though, if you have a plan from the beginning and know what you're doing, it's probably not going to be cheesy. Confidence often gets rid of cheesiness.

The Deal With Outlining

I hate outlining.

Really.

I hate it so much that I usually skip it.

We often hear that there are no rules to being a writer, but it seems, as writers, that we are all expected to outline. We are taught to outline as if it is the correct way to write anything and everything.

I took a creative writing class a few years back where, in the space of a year, each student wrote his or her own novel. The first actual writing step we had to do was create the outline. While I enjoyed the class, I ended up not liking my finished work. In my opinion, it is the weakest thing I have ever written and I'm convinced it was because of the outline.

So I typically don't outline anymore. I tend to let my stories flow naturally. I like to be surprised by where my story takes me.

I'm not here to diss outlining, though. Outlining can and has been a great asset to many writers and is often very helpful in the writing process. Outlining can be wonderful, but it's not always necessary. If you look around, you'll see that writers today are divided on the subject of outlining. K.M. Weiland (she has a wonderful writing blog that I love) strongly believes in outlining, while Writer's Digest has a great article on how you can write awesome stories with no outline.

Don't feel pressured to write an outline. If the thought of creating one stresses you out, just don't create one. My problem with outlines is when I have one, I feel limited, like I have to stick to my outline no matter what - but that's definitely not true. You can have an outline and completely stray from it if you wish. You are the writer, after all. You are the god of this story and can do whatever you want.

This isn't to say go ahead and start writing with no plan whatsoever. When I get an idea for a story, I don't jump on it right away. I let it flesh out and develop for a few days so I at least know my main characters and have a fairly stable idea about where the story is going. But I definitely don't make an outline.

Don't let anyone except yourself tell you if you need to make an outline before you start writing. Some writers do better with one and others do better without. You know if you need an outline. You're not a lazy writer if you don't have an outline, you just have a different writing process. If people are going to say there are no rules to writing a novel, don't let them give you any.

When Your Characters Stop Listening to You

Raise your hand if you haven't experienced the difficulty of characters who just flat out don't want to do what you tell them. If you raised your hand, lucky you. This blog post probably won't be of much use to you.

But if you do have this problem, what do you do? What are you supposed to do when you want the story to go one way, but your characters are taking it another?

Well, the first thing you should do is good advice for basically any situation: don't panic. Just take a deep breath. It's okay if it's not working out how you originally planned. Several times during the writing process, I have come to the realization that the plans I had for the story when  I started writing just fly out the window.

Take a break
Always take a break first and see if that solves the problem. When we're going at it too long and too hard, our brains mess things up. We need to relax and switch activities every once in a while. So, if you're suddenly having trouble with your characters, make sure you take a break before you consider other options. A break may be all you need. If however, when you return to writing and the problem is still there, you may have a character that just isn't listening to you.

Let the characters lead
When you've created well rounded characters who you know really well and can carry the weight of the story, you may find that they actually know the story better than you do. They may have their own ideas. So, if your characters are resisting your instructions and pulling in a different direction, don't be afraid to explore that direction. If your character is trying to take control, it's okay to let them for a little bit and see where it takes you.

It can be very frustrating sometimes, though, when we desperately want our character to do something, but we can't realistically make it happen. We, of course, can write it, but something about it feels very forced and awkward. Listen to your gut. If your hand doesn't want to write it, maybe it's a sign that you need to reconsider the events taking place.

I once had a character that I had specific plans for when I started the story and I thought it was a brilliant idea. I realized, though, by the end, that this particular character ended up being someone completely different than I had intended him to be without my even noticing it. I just followed his lead and it ended up working much better with my story.

Re-evaluate your character
If you have a specific character that is causing trouble, take a moment and re-evaluate them. Maybe they changed and you didn't realize, which is why you can't seem to get under control. Maybe your story changed and you really just don't need them anymore.  

So, relax, this isn't a disaster. Just remember that if your characters stop listening to you, maybe you should start listening to your characters.